Letters to the Alphabet

Yo I,

This letter is long overdue but for good reason. I was hesitant because I am a culprit of this content too. Most times we try to justify how wrong something is till it gets out of hands and someone gets hurt.

Growing a thick skin has been my go to solution for a while not because I don’t care but because it’s the only way I feel less of myself. I often live as a hermit crab to ward of impending ‘predators’; such ones do harm you mentally but in the guise of jokes and opinions.

Growing up, I was teased about certain parts of my body, especially my head. My brother’s friends would call me ‘raid ti k3se3’ (an insecticide spray called Raid which came out with a product called the aforementioned) which literally translates ‘raid big head’. They said I had a big and long head.

I was pained each time they called me that, that I retaliated with insults and total disrespect. That was my mechanism given that they were older and stronger than I was. It saved them because I would have wrestled them with all I’d got. But, but my friend, that would have gone on and on and I would have been the eventual loser.

And there was the flat ass joke. I have an average caucasian’s body type even though I’m black. You’d expect buttocks like Peace Hyde’s or breasts like Peace Hyde’s but sorry, sorry I look nothing like her. You wouldn’t guess how many times I was told I needed to eat more protein and workout to have the desired bod.

That got to me, I cried, I tried. Now tell me, aren’t they good enough reasons to grow a thick skin? Who wants to hear that about themselves? Not me, not you, not anybody!

I have had my fair share and so have others. I have said hurtful things to people in the name of jokes for which I am sorry.

Not being bothered doesn’t solve it, voicing it out, telling them about it does. I am happy with who I am, loving and fabulously happy.

Love,

Emefa😘

Today

The hiatus is loud but promises to be the best

Today will be a start to new discoveries

A ride unending

Today promises to be dreams fulfilled

A race worth taking

One worth winning

Lights flashing, it is going to be spectacular

I feel it in a nerve struck

Believe and hope in today

Letters to the Alphabet

What’s up H,

This might be the shortest piece I may ever write but it’s still worth the shot. Lemme tell you this, I am super accommodating as I have ever been. I am a little anti-social, a tiny little bit, but that does not exempt the fact that I’m willing to adapt.

Before, it was a daunting task. I had to be the star of every occasion. If I couldn’t be the leader, you had better count me out. I was domineering among my peers. I gave ultimatums whenever I needed something done for me. That was how far I went with my less accommodating self.

Am I fortunate or I just grew up in every aspect of my life because now I cannot figure out why I behave in certain capacities. It’s mind boggling and I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m more patient, I listen, I’m understanding, I care- the sum total of being accommodating.

So H, if we ever go out, do not bang your hopes so much on seeing me take the lead in any activity because I might just fail you and to add to it, old habits die hard so I just may have remnants of it but as I say, I am a work in progress.

Besos,

Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Dear G,

Someone being responsible for you is unimaginable, not to say you should not be responsible yourself; it’s that you are not to blame entirely when things go south.

Growing up, my parents allowed us room to operate, they were flexible with disciplining us. They didn’t always have to use the cane when we did something bad, it was a mixture of talking to us, refusing us gifts or grounding us. I in particular was a handful, I bet if it was just my brother, there wouldn’t be any problem.

I was an intrepid. I was the kid who said anything on her mind without having no fears, I was the one who felt could refuse to do a chore when I was not in the mood and thought I was always right or the cute one and only girl so I could get away with any wrongdoing. Anytime my parents disciplined me, I thought they hated me, probably adopted or the least favourite of the two.

I cannot begin to count the number of times I was on loggerheads with either of my parents. Funnily, I couldn’t bring myself not talking to both of them at the same time because it meant I would starve to death. Note, if I were on loggerheads with you, I wouldn’t eat your food, I would do anything I could not to see you, let you touch or even blink at me. It was a big deal.

And then there was the letter writing sessions. Before writing the letter, I would first pack my things, go look for a mattress somewhere in the house and fix it in one corner of the room because I shared the same room and bed with my brother and I would not have anything to do with him after all he’s the one to blame for my parents’ actions towards me. That becomes my space for the entire duration.

I write the letter telling my parents how I think they prefer my brother over me, how I think they truly feel about me, that is, telling them to take me back to my real parents if they were tired of having me around and to top the cherry, threaten to runaway and never come back.

Those were the lengths I went when I was disciplined for mistakes I made. My little mind thought moulding me to be responsible was cruel, loving me meant I could eat my cake and have it.

Now that I’m older, I do well with doing what I am supposed to do, I take into account all that I do, apologize when it’s my fault and sometimes I do apologize when I’m the victim just so peace can prevail. I understand that responsibilities are a part of the human race. These make us accountable for whatever actions we decide to take.

G, being responsible seems difficult but that is the right thing. Being responsible means readily admitting your mistake and working on it to be a better version of yourself. This makes us trustworthy individuals.

Besos,

Emefa😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Hey F,

There are times when I feel the lowest about myself, when I feel unworthy and less than my capabilities. I know others or even you feel that way about yourself sometimes so it’s probably not a big deal but it is a big deal to me.

There should never be an instance where I feel I don’t deserve to live, where I feel my non existence would be better off for everyone but then again, having to create a difficult time for the people who truly love and appreciate you is selfish.

To combat this, I realised the need to love myself enough by identifying situations, people or things that made me feel that way. I had to create situations that wouldn’t warrant me feeling down.

First, I try to be optimistic about myself. I tell myself positive and nice things. I pray to God about how I truly feel at a point in time. This truly takes away the burden and it works perfectly everytime.

I speak to loved ones who uplift my spirit, sharing how you feel with people who care about you is second to none. A shared problem is highly recommended by me. Talk to those who actually care not just anyone, emphasis on ‘care’.

I listen to some good tunes during such times; spiritual and others alike. I have home made videos with friends and family that I like to watch. They make me laugh a lot. Also, I look through pictures of myself which reminds me of how far I have come and how I do not want to take that for granted.

Other times, I reminisce about happy memories that gets my heart and mind in a comfortable and happy place.

Let me tell you what I do to take the negativity out of the way.

I avoid it entirely if it means not showing up to a place, ignoring a person like a plague by avoiding their calls and texts totally. You know, there are people who exhume negativity all day; they breathe, talk and laugh it. It isn’t easy especially when you’ve known them for long but at the end of it all, you need to save yourself by letting them go.

Self love, regarding my own happiness is paramount to my existence therefore I do not have the patience for anyone or anything that would want me to feel any other way but happy.

Besos,

Emefa😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Hello E,

By now you should know I have my own blog, our constant chats have done justice to a whole lot of issues.

When you visit ‘About’ on my homepage, you would know that the posts on this blog is nothing you haven’t thought about or experienced before after all, it is an everyday thing.

Last Saturday at about 7:00 am, I was ready on my way to a commitment which I was excited about but it turned out bad. There is a swamp close to the junction where I board the trotro (public shuttle). The swamp is an abode for a 1001 creatures of which little swifts are a regular. They are small birds, very high pitched, mostly fly in a group; mum says they are called blɛamezado which translates directly as “lie to me till nightfall”, in Ewe, my dialect.

These birds are literally synchronized; from the way they dance, to how they land, and even how their chirping forms an incredible melody. It’s almost as though they think alike, they have the same to do list.

In my generation, unlike the birds, we do not transmit the same frequency. We have our own agendas and I totally back that of course. We need to have our individual grinds but what matters is our thinking ability about evidently similar issues; race, gender, equality, you know, issues that affect the status quo.

Needless to say, the frequent bashing of men by ‘feminists’ is on the rise, I wonder if these women hate these men and are venting their anger on them or they are actually people who want equal opportunities for the least considered gender in society.

Talk of the clash between people of colour and whites, discrimination among people of the same cultural setting and the constant prejudice that is unending.

All that matters is that at the end of the day, we are understood, our actions and inactions do not lead to the slaughter, we are appreciated for the positivity we exhume and for the mere fact that we are human despite all else.

Besos,

Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

D,

Talking about love is a complicated topic that I often get jittery. Let me reframe this, my love life has always had complications, I have to admit. Unlike flings, crushes and whatnots, this is entirely different.

It has not been rosy like those seen on screen, read in books or on the internet. I should not have to base my decisions on what I see around, but I cannot help it. There have been eons I fantasize over hashtags it is absurd but true. I cannot say otherwise, they are cute.

Nevertheless, I have come to understand that love is a two-way affair, something I learned the hard way. Having someone care about you differently, not how my friends would, feels good. Let me tell you this, the butterflies you feel in your tummy analogy is true, your heart racing more than it should is truer and grinning from ear to ear, the best. I literally have had to massage my jaws anytime I saw that special someone.

Sadly, we do not always get what we want. It got nowhere which I am glad happened. It was real on just one person’s side the other was jestering around.

D, I’m going to end here hoping that we’d talk more on this subject when we are finally successful planning our next day out. Until then my friend, be good.

Besos,

Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Hey C,

Relationships, those are the most sort after information in any conversation. I too always want to know relationships struck by those close to me. Who they have been spending time with, texting, talking over the phone with and whether they have built new relationships.
I am particularly concerned about how long relationships last. I do not want to meet you and in a second, all that mattered goes to waste. I do not have to invest so much time in something that would not be of any use to me as time goes on.

To be sure about any relationship you get into, you should know your role in it. I mean I cannot be oblivious to that fact, it is very important to my existence. I should never have to feel I’m wasting my time but it happens without invitation. All I’m putting across is that, relationships matter a lot to me so I would not want to be taken for granted in any way. It is treachery.

To make relationships flourish, I should have to love myself enough. Connecting and bonding with a human being requires a lot of effort therefore self-love on each party’s part is necessary.

I should have to trust you. I do not have to form any relationship whatsoever knowing that there is no trust between us. It’s automatic that we share deep and meaningful conversations though sometimes they are meaningless, ideas, solutions together therefore, I need to know that person is worthy.

Most relationships are caught in a web of lies. Honesty is essentially missing in them. I want to have 100% honesty whenever. I need to feel true freedom because of the power that honesty creates.

Here comes the reason most relationships fail, lack of communication. C, if we are ever gonna make this relationship work, we gotta dialogue a lot, keep the spark alive. We owe ourselves that!

There are times when we get so busy that we do not keep in touch physically. Sometimes just seeing a person’s face validates your relationship to a degree, therefore, we need to see each other more. Connecting is a reminder of what matters.

Besos,

Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Hi B,

Can I tell you about my family? Ours is a close-knit one, it has its own feats and fails.
I have my dad, mum and older brother; each with distinct personality traits.
Dad is smart, that fact cannot be taken away from him, grumpiness and bossiness are my least favourite things about him. Dads are their daughters’ heroes but well my dad is probably my ‘blackguard’. I love him as much but I cannot stand him 99.5% of the time, the other 0.5%, he is making me laugh my heart out. Dad’s goofy too.

Mum is almost perfect. She is tenacious, loving, thoughtful; all the great adjectives qualify her. I should add that she is a real fighter. She fights for what she believes in and those she loves. Friends prefer the company of mum, you’d attest to that fact when next you visit.

My brother, well he’s my brother. He’s my number one support system, motivator and optimist. There are times when you just know things are not going on as expected, you lose your composure and courage and he tells you everything would be fine. Keep focused and do what you can even when it seems impossible are the nuggets I have compiled from all he tells me.

Our fails as a family are countable I think, I mean we do not have everything figured out but not many webs in our cupboard. I feel we are pretty normal at least.

Lemme just end this by adding that you don’t have to panic when you visit because I have described enough about my little ‘ohana’. The others would avail themselves when the time is right.
We can’t wait to meet you and the other alphabet if they would be willing to visit as well.

Besos,
Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Dear A,

Today, I am grateful for all I have learnt and experienced. I appreciate how far life has brought me, for how generous it has been. My family and friends have made it complete.

Today, I am thankful that I am an adult who makes rational decisions most of the time and the irrational ones have made me stronger, changed my ideology about a lot of things; like human nature, the concept of love and indifference and how I could react to these seemingly situations.

I have learnt to let go of peoples flaws, be forgiving, tolerant and still not be taken for granted, I still very much need that groove on.
Now, I can confidently say that I hold no grudges against anyone. I have come to accept my own flaws considering individual imperfections though they seem to be my stronghold sometimes along the way.

I have come to love me for me, I have capitalised on my weaknesses and ‘I cants’, become a better listener, an adviser, in between; a motivator.

In all these, I still have my own skeletons in the closet and demons to fight and ward off. I am an obvious work in progress, a better version of my less a decade ago self. Inasmuch as I hate to break this to myself, I am responsible for myself.
So A, for as long as you stick around and the other alphabet are still around, you’ll hear more of me.

Besos,
Emefa😘