Letters to the Alphabet

Hello L,

If this letter has been received in good health, then you know what my younger self lacked and what it had in abundance.

To my younger self, thank you for not giving up on your hopes and aspirations of immensely contributing to who I have become today. There were times you felt like giving all up but the hope that lived in your heart gave you the strength to carry on.

To my younger self, you wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer badly because then, those were the careers that mattered most to you. Today, I have found a new career path that I enjoy doing. Those two professions were not all that you could be. I didn’t study Law or Medicine in the university. Instead, I read Publishing Studies. This programme of study has enhanced my creativity in writing and passion for books. I am a proud Proofreader and I wouldn’t change that.

To my younger self, at 25, I don’t own a house, a car and I’m not married to the love of my life with two kids. At 25, I am figuring out for myself what it takes to be a better person, how to make myself happy without another’s help. At 25, I have had my share of heartbreaks that have taught me that life still goes on-that I wouldn’t die out of it neither will I end up in the asylum. At 25, I still use trotro and my favourite spot is at the back seat by the window feeling the breeze as it moves.

To my younger self, the adage “opportunity comes but once”, is not the truth. This narrative would have ended me in jobs I didn’t enjoy doing, relationships that would have messed me up drastically, decisions I wouldn’t have recovered from. Instead, opportunities come and go and you would surely get that opportunity that will be of benefit to you, that wouldn’t make you shed sad tears. Opportunities that are worth the wait.

To my younger self, building connections doesn’t mean you are “too know” or all over the place. Building connections help you form your path rightly. Remember, not just any connection; the right one.

To my younger self, being picky about the kind of friends you’d want to associate with isn’t a bad idea. You want friends who would uplift you, not those who would bring you down. You want friends who point out the truth to you without fear of losing the friendship. You want friends who encourage you to do that right thing and not those who constantly want you doing only the bad. You want friends who would understand your silence and your loquacity.

To my younger self, being true to who you are is important. Being true to yourself saves you from shame. It saves you from loneliness. It saves you from unnecessary pressure. It makes you happy, content and free.

To my younger self, being street smart is as important as being book smart. Knowledge is indeed power, that remains the truth.

To my younger self, I am glad we have evolved. We have grown past the mediocrities. We are forging ahead and gradually completing our mould. We will not fail.

Love,

Emefa😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Hey K,

What’s going on, it’s been a minute! I’m well and I have been sorting things out. Now, I am on leave so I have ample time to sort them out.

One of them was about creating a YouTube channel. The planning took eons because I needed to be sure I could take up the challenge. I did not want a situation where I would start and abandon it midway. Taking my time has been beneficial.

I am happy to announce to you that I have finally created my channel. You know I always want to do my stuff differently.

My channel is a book tube channel. On the channel, you would find all things bookish; book reviews, book hauls and literary discussions.

On 26th July, 2020, I posted my first official video. The experience was surreal. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I reviewed a book by Josephine Cox titled Born Bad.

So far, the reception has been immense. You should see me checking the channel every thirty minutes for the number of people who have subscribed and the number of views I have. I am impressed with the turn of events and how strong it’s still going.

I learned how to edit the videos in about four hours. You know what was more exciting, after each edit, I figured something new out and tried my hands on it. It’s truly satisfying when you set your mind on a task and it quickly gets done.

The determination I had to get things sorted out taught me that if you do not try something out, you wouldn’t know the true extent of your capabilities.

K, my goal now is to keep putting up amazing content in order to grow my channel. I do not know how things would eventually turn out, but I’m positive it will all fall in place one day at a time.

Taking the leave from work wasn’t a bad idea after all.

If you want to check out my channel anytime, this is the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCraGpecle2kxbz3AsWomfVg.

Do well to subscribe and also share to your family and friends.

Love,

Emefa😘

When No means Yes

Right from when we could write our alphabet, one thing was static, No meant No and never Yes. Years have passed and we argue over the meaning of No when it is obvious the meaning is never Yes.
Do you know that when a person says no, it means no, not maybe, not yes?
In our part of the world, being vocal about discomfort either means you are “too know”, playing hard to get or simply pretending. This notion has translated into other spheres of societal problems like rape.
Granted, females and males are victims of this crude and primitive behaviour but females are at an all time high of this heinous crime; victims without thought.
The real question is, why not rape?
First, rape is a crime. A serious crime against humanity which can land a culprit to not less than five years or more than twenty five years in prison.
Victims of rape never get over it. Even when they do, the stigma from society is etched.
Unwanted pregnancies, STI’s and other health complications stem from rape.
The trauma it creates leads to apparent suicides especially when little or no support comes from family and the society.

Once when I had a talk with my mum about victims of rape being blamed, she said she’ll never understand why victims with such chilling experiences would be blamed for something that was clearly not their fault. It is like telling them you got served well when they weren’t even invited to the party.
Such inhumane acts are the reasons victims cannot open up when they are raped.

Never assume you have the right over a person’s body because you are in a relationship with them. When she tells you no, it is that you do not have her consent! Let that sink as deep as possible into your brain.
What’s baffling, it is that culprits of rape tend to justify why it was done. Let me tell you, culprits of rape have invalid reasons. There are no reasons justifiable as to why you rape. The truth; you are selfish, wicked, lack self control and a monster!
Kindred of these monsters support them with wavering and unintelligent views.
Comments like where she was, what she was wearing, makes it sickening when it provides no aid to the victim but sides with the culprit.
Sadly, staying home doesn’t guarantee she wouldn’t be abused, covering up doesn’t protect her, walking with a group of people isn’t protection for her either.
Just imagine the constant fear of not knowing what might happen to you or being particularly aware of your surroundings, Lord knows it isn’t easy.

Reports about rape victims was not as a result of the aforementioned but because a cowardly being decided he couldn’t control his perverted sexual urges and thought it wise to pounce on another.
Get this, talks about rape would go on and on till the next person decides not to.
So, when she tells you no, it isn’t yes but no. When she wears her clothes, do not let your eyes prey on her body. Don’t be the reason she’s scared to go out at night. Don’t be the relative she sees and runs. Don’t be all the reasons she is scared to be female.

When no means yes, rethink!

Covid-19 Snappy Notes

Life hits you in so many ways but it is dangerous when you have zero preparedness for a disaster. It’s an occurrence nobody has control over. Amidst this hullabaloo of a pandemic, I have taken clear and factual notes.

First, financial security will always be an essential component no matter what you do. Saving pennies can build you a mountain.

Job security doesn’t guarantee a smooth sailing experience. Employers are cutting back on a lot of expenses; even if it means half salaries with excuses incomparably smitten with insensitivity.

Families can stay together and have meaningful conversations devoid of petty arguments. They can have fun and do away with age differences. Parents can be parents at this time.

Trying new things just got better. Is it a book you want to read, a DIY video you want to try out, a bond you want to keep tighter or a dance challenge you want to take part in? There are many options to choose from and to perfect. This is the time to take up a hobby to heal from the inevitable boredom.

Respecting people’s choices should be paramount during this time. There are moments where all you want to do is have alone time to think about yourself and what’s ahead. Other times it’s the quiet you want. This isn’t the time to think ill of others just because they are not reciprocating the energy you give them.

Enough of the quotes, this pandemic is depressing. We are all trying to sail through this with some sanity left.

And oh, when you question yourself about people having a straight face, look into their eyes for that glist. They may be smiling but the face mask makes that harder to see.

How do you feel?

How do you feel when you know you’re the reason someone cries?

How do you feel when you know you’re the reason someone has sleepless nights?

How do you feel when you know you’re the reason someone is traumatized?

How do you feel when you know you’re the reason someone has a meaningless life?

How do you feel when you know you’re the reason someone has a different view on life?

Tell me, how do you feel?

Do you feel miserable;

Disgusted;

Or perhaps you jubilate?

Do you feel entitled

And defensive?

Do you mean your “sorries”?

Or it’s the norm after the storm?

Tell me, how did you feel;

when the next victim tied the noose?

when he deliberately slashed his wrist?

when she found solace on the streets?

Now, tell me, how do you truly feel?

Letters to the Alphabet

Hi there J,

This letter is long overdue and I’m in no capacity to begin to explain my life right now literally but I hope this content cheers you up.

Three things: when I’m not writing, I’m sleeping, none of that, then its music! It is a cure for boredom and loneliness-my constant companions.I love good music, my senses pick good tunes. My ears flicker, my eyes glisten and my heart runs a marathon that’s how I know. Slow songs, blues are my favourite rightly because I am a hopeless romantic. I love that I love love. 

The first time hearing this song was as background music for a video by two love birds, sadly, it ended in tears. The second was because someone had died. The third, I knew I had heard it before but couldn’t make out where albeit hearing it more than once probably because I wasn’t moved all those times. But this time round, I knew I wanted to hear more, know more, and sing more. The turning point for me was when it was played in a scene of one of my many favourite TV series. The strings pulled at the intro sent chills down my spine.The scene and the song were compatible. I played the scene over and over. Emotions were running wild that moment. Hell, I got overwhelmed by it! 

Next thing I knew, I had googled the song. It was by Meghan Trainor; a singer-songwriter. Like I’mgonna lose you is from her 2015 album Title. She performed it with John Legend. There, I knew it was a good song, I was taking no chances. I quickly downloaded and started playing it. I wanted to sing the song off head at that instance but it was impossible for me. It’s one of those tunes that do not have difficult lyrics; it’s easier to learn. I didn’t lose hope.

The song has a good structure. Intro, check, Meghan and John’s verse: double check. The composition is praiseworthy. You listen to songs like these to refresh your soul and uplift your spirit. It is that song that has this optimistic and serene vibe; I’m gonna love you Like I’m gonna lose you I’m gonna hold you Like I’m saying goodbye Wherever we’re standing I won’t take you for granted…

This tune is relatable, words are not harsh. I also like the fact that you don’t strain to hear the words of the song. It is a good song with a great duet from two talented vocalists. FYI, I can sing with no external help at all. I am a pro at this. You gotta cut a sister some slack, I am good!

Besos,
Emefa😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Yo I,

This letter is long overdue but for good reason. I was hesitant because I am a culprit of this content too. Most times we try to justify how wrong something is till it gets out of hands and someone gets hurt.

Growing a thick skin has been my go to solution for a while not because I don’t care but because it’s the only way I feel less of myself. I often live as a hermit crab to ward of impending ‘predators’; such ones do harm you mentally but in the guise of jokes and opinions.

Growing up, I was teased about certain parts of my body, especially my head. My brother’s friends would call me ‘raid ti k3se3’ (an insecticide spray called Raid which came out with a product called the aforementioned) which literally translates ‘raid big head’. They said I had a big and long head.

I was pained each time they called me that, that I retaliated with insults and total disrespect. That was my mechanism given that they were older and stronger than I was. It saved them because I would have wrestled them with all I’d got. But, but my friend, that would have gone on and on and I would have been the eventual loser.

And there was the flat ass joke. I have an average caucasian’s body type even though I’m black. You’d expect buttocks like Peace Hyde’s or breasts like Peace Hyde’s but sorry, sorry I look nothing like her. You wouldn’t guess how many times I was told I needed to eat more protein and workout to have the desired bod.

That got to me, I cried, I tried. Now tell me, aren’t they good enough reasons to grow a thick skin? Who wants to hear that about themselves? Not me, not you, not anybody!

I have had my fair share and so have others. I have said hurtful things to people in the name of jokes for which I am sorry.

Not being bothered doesn’t solve it, voicing it out, telling them about it does. I am happy with who I am, loving and fabulously happy.

Love,

Emefa😘

Letters to the Alphabet

What’s up H,

This might be the shortest piece I may ever write but it’s still worth the shot. Lemme tell you this, I am super accommodating as I have ever been. I am a little anti-social, a tiny little bit, but that does not exempt the fact that I’m willing to adapt.

Before, it was a daunting task. I had to be the star of every occasion. If I couldn’t be the leader, you had better count me out. I was domineering among my peers. I gave ultimatums whenever I needed something done for me. That was how far I went with my less accommodating self.

Am I fortunate or I just grew up in every aspect of my life because now I cannot figure out why I behave in certain capacities. It’s mind boggling and I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m more patient, I listen, I’m understanding, I care- the sum total of being accommodating.

So H, if we ever go out, do not bang your hopes so much on seeing me take the lead in any activity because I might just fail you and to add to it, old habits die hard so I just may have remnants of it but as I say, I am a work in progress.

Besos,

Emefa 😘

Letters to the Alphabet

Dear G,

Someone being responsible for you is unimaginable, not to say you should not be responsible yourself; it’s that you are not to blame entirely when things go south.

Growing up, my parents allowed us room to operate, they were flexible with disciplining us. They didn’t always have to use the cane when we did something bad, it was a mixture of talking to us, refusing us gifts or grounding us. I in particular was a handful, I bet if it was just my brother, there wouldn’t be any problem.

I was an intrepid. I was the kid who said anything on her mind without having no fears, I was the one who felt could refuse to do a chore when I was not in the mood and thought I was always right or the cute one and only girl so I could get away with any wrongdoing. Anytime my parents disciplined me, I thought they hated me, probably adopted or the least favourite of the two.

I cannot begin to count the number of times I was on loggerheads with either of my parents. Funnily, I couldn’t bring myself not talking to both of them at the same time because it meant I would starve to death. Note, if I were on loggerheads with you, I wouldn’t eat your food, I would do anything I could not to see you, let you touch or even blink at me. It was a big deal.

And then there was the letter writing sessions. Before writing the letter, I would first pack my things, go look for a mattress somewhere in the house and fix it in one corner of the room because I shared the same room and bed with my brother and I would not have anything to do with him after all he’s the one to blame for my parents’ actions towards me. That becomes my space for the entire duration.

I write the letter telling my parents how I think they prefer my brother over me, how I think they truly feel about me, that is, telling them to take me back to my real parents if they were tired of having me around and to top the cherry, threaten to runaway and never come back.

Those were the lengths I went when I was disciplined for mistakes I made. My little mind thought moulding me to be responsible was cruel, loving me meant I could eat my cake and have it.

Now that I’m older, I do well with doing what I am supposed to do, I take into account all that I do, apologize when it’s my fault and sometimes I do apologize when I’m the victim just so peace can prevail. I understand that responsibilities are a part of the human race. These make us accountable for whatever actions we decide to take.

G, being responsible seems difficult but that is the right thing. Being responsible means readily admitting your mistake and working on it to be a better version of yourself. This makes us trustworthy individuals.

Besos,

Emefa😘